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Week Ending: April 29, 2000 |
| Sober Spirits It was with horror that I read the letter from Mrs. Winston of Upper Puckering regarding her observations on the evening of Saturday last. She practically accused the Reverend Banks and a representative of the Roman Church of being drunk in public. Nonsense and Folderol. I was with the Reverend Banks, and we were in the Village. Mrs. Winston must have seen us shortly after I had told the Reverend a humorous story about a bungie-jumping bishop, and he had told me an even funnier story of an itinerate merchant and the young female heir of a vegetable grower. We were laughing so hard at one point I could hardly stand, and Reverend Banks was only slightly more in control of his mirth. It must have been at this point Mrs. Winston saw us. I am shocked that the Puckering Gazette should publish such unverified drivel. It practically amounts to libel, and it would never have happened under the previous owner. It is understandable that anyone condoning such a reprehensible policy would want to keep secret their participation in such a scandal sheet as the Gazette. As for you, Mrs. Winston. Reverend Banks informs me that his boring sermon regarded Charity. Perhaps your seat on the front row is not close enough for you to have heard all there was on the subject. Fr. McGintus Hoole Our Lady of Perpetual Motion East Imbiben In Denial I wish to state that the accusation in the paper that I may be involved in a drug ring is libelous. I also believe that Miss Simmons is a wonderful lady and would in no way involve herself or her friends in such behaviour. If your newspaper does not publish a retraction, I will sue! Chester Vyse In Denial Too Are you crazy! What is the meaning of publishing loose accusations about me without any verification? I may have indicated to the paper that there is no such thing as bad publicity, but I had evidently be proved wrong. The Gazette will publish a full apology! Simon Tinsley HA HA! Your paper is very funny. Bobby Allways (age 9) |