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Stoney Grove
www.stoneygrove.com

Stoney Grove—It was a spring day, bright with the promise of the new millenium. Daffs and jonquils waved cheerily on the lawn whilst birds whistled their timeless songs of courtship as they tugged worms from the lush grass. Yet the air of tranquility that surrounded the Stoney Grove estate yesterday afternoon was deceptive, for behind the solid, honest walls of that ancient structure lurked a dark secret. The illicit drug scene, so long the scourge of Britain’s great cities, had come to rest in our own little corner of the countryside.

At eleven a.m., Sergeant Robert Archer received a telephone call from Shirley Johnson, the virtuous matron who oversees the housekeeping at the great estate. In the course of her daily rounds, she had uncovered a dreadful surprise: a stash of cocaine and cannabis hidden in a bedroom of the house. Not recognizing the materials, but fearing the worst, she called Sgt. Archer, who quickly assembled his team and descended on the estate. "I don’t know drugs, but I can spot trouble when I see it," confided Mrs. Johnson. "I always knew something was amiss."

Within minutes of entering the house, Archer verified the housekeeper’s suspicions and made an arrest. Emma Knytleigh, hired by former resident Ann Simmons to conduct historical research at the property, was placed under arrest. She is currently being held at the Lower Puckering station.

Candidates for the position of Village Elder were quick to offer praise for the rapid response of the Puckering police. "There’s no place in our village for illegal drugs, and Archer’s team has done a fine job nipping this in the bud," stated Nigel Morcombe. "Bully for Bobby," cheered Colonel Bratherton.

Archer himself was more introspective. "We’ve made a start," he acknowledged, "but I think there’s more snakes in the grass, if you follow. Miss Simmons is living in the Caribbean, you know, and she’s drawing them all down there like moths to the flame. First Reverend Banks and Mr. Vyse, then Mr. Tinsley. I wouldn’t be surprised if today’s finds were just the tip of the iceberg."

"This is an outrage! Bobby’s got it all wrong!" snorted Simon Tinsley, when asked to comment on the arrest of Knytleigh. Frank Churchill, resident hermit at the estate, echoed his employer’s sentiment, loudly proclaiming the historian’s innocence. Both Reverend Banks and Chester Vyse were unavailable for comment.

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