The Dining Room
|Sergeant Archer: Hold on
Shirley. Where are you going with that silver?
Shirley: Dont be cheeky, young Bobby. I remember you in short pants. Are you back here on business, or as a guest?
Sergeant Archer: Both, actually. Im trying to solve that drug case. Seems like the other lead I told you about came to nothing. But something is going to give tonight. I can feel it.
Shirley: Rubbish. Theres nothing to do with drugs in this house. Have a beer and relax. The only thing that looks likely to give is the button on your trousers.
Sergeant Archer: Now hold on, Shirley. Weve got that Jamaican chap running around, you know. He must be involved.
Shirley: Hes a friend of Miss Simmons. Actually, hes with that American girl Amy. Shes in the family way, you know. I hear its his.
Sergeant Archer: Exactly.
Shirley: Are you implying that he shacked up with her so as to get an invite here to Puckering to sell drugs?
Sergeant Archer: Never underestimate the criminal mind.
Emma: Shirley, weve got to talk. Its really important.
Shirley: Well go ahead then. Im not deaf.
Emma: No, not here. There are too many people around. Lets step outside.
Shirley: Its freezing outside. Ill catch pneumonia. Do your talking in the warm air, like normal folks do.
Emma: No. I want privacy. The house is full of people. No ones outside.
Shirley: Well, youre bloody right about that. Im not going either.
Emma: I know who John Whites father is.
Shirley: Hold on, Ill fetch my coat.
[Follow Shirley to the Saloon or stay with Emma]
Ann: Everything alright, Emma?
Ann: I wanted to make sure that you had a chance to meet my friend Dave Redmond tonight. Hes from the States and is interested in the house.
Emma: Id love to meet him. Right now Im trying to track down Miss Kent and Miss Rutherford. I wanted to talk to them about the Sea Room before they go, and Frank told me he saw them putting on their coats in the Hall. Can I catch up with you in a few minutes?
Ann: Sure, go on.
Phil Porkridge: Hello, I understand you run the Science Fiction shop in Puckering.
Pete Smith: Indeed I do. Live long and prosper.
Phil: Absolutely. Those are some great Spock ears.
Pete: Actually these are my ears.
Phil: I think I hear my wife calling. Excuse me.
Nigel Barksley: So, do you know if Wendy is single?
Lumpy Gaites: Right now, I think shes spending time with someone called Trotter.
Nigel: Oh, are they serious?
Lumpy: Hes a Basset Hound, and yes I think theyre madly in love.
Nigel: Yes, of course, Trotter, Basset Hound, probably ironic, eh?
Lumpy: I could introduce you.
Nigel: No, I'm more of a cat man myself.
Simon: Enjoying the party Phil?
Phil: Great, Ive been mingling. Talking to all the guests. I think Ive become better at talking to people. As you get older you get more confident.
Simon: This is great. Did you see me do the Hustle? And have you seen the new archaeologist? Surprisingly hot!
Caroline Porkridge: You must be very proud of your son Mr. Tinsley.
Simon's Dad: Why? Just because he won some money. He was useless before and he still is.
Caroline: You're right. I was just being polite.
Simon's Dad: Don't bother on my account.
Nigel Morcombe: Great show, young Tinsley. Knew you were the man to restore this place to its former glory. Well be wanting you next year for the cricket team. You need to work on that forward defensive stroke but I trust well be seeing you in the middle.
Simon: Wouldnt miss it.
Nigel: Cricket AGM next month. Proposal to allow women to play on the team. These women libbers will stop at nothing. W need to put a stop to that sort of rot.
Simon: Women should make the teas, thats what I say.
Nigel: Absolutely! Knew I could rely on you. Excuse me, I need to bend the vicars ear. Terrible sermon he gave last week and now hes talking to that awful Catholic priest!
Simon: Silly old fool!
Shirley: Is that Miss Ann who just left with those Americans?
Rev. Nigel Banks: Yes. She asked me to tell you that shed left a note for Simon on her desk.
Simon: Shirley, wheres Ann gone?
Shirley: She left a few minutes ago with that Amy and her boyfriend James.
Simon: Taking them home, was she? Couldnt Martin have done that?
Shirley: He could have, if shed asked him. But she didnt. And she had an overnight bag with her.
Simon: Bloody hell. Did she say anything?
Shirley: She said shed left you a note on her desk.
Simon: Excuse me.
Shirley: Sometimes its like Eastenders around here.
Jackie Collins: Whats up with you?
Simon: Anns left, just left, gone. Its over.
Jackie: Im sorry.
Simon: Do you want to take a ride? The Harleys out the back.
Jackie: We could take a ride. Lets go.
Woman's Voice: Good, Ive finally got rid of them.
Man's Voice: Never mind.