Dear Ann,

We’ve got death watch beetles! There were about fifty of them scattered across the floor. Mrs. Beveldine had been in and swept up, so we don’t know where they came from, or how many she might have moved. Anyway, I went back last night, heard the ominous ticking, and called Chester in for a consult. The ticking comes from them bashing their heads against the beams, apparently after they’ve had a bellyful of wood and are in need of some amorous attention. We’ll need to get a structural engineer in here to assess the damage, and obviously will have to fumigate the sanctuary. Some days the Lord places a heavy load on our shoulders.

Nigel Banks