| Around The Village Despite a much-publicised agreement to work together, the Gazette can confirm a
split in the working relationship of Wendy Smith and Village Elder Arthur 'Red' Covers.
Whilst Ms. Smith seems anxious to push a radical animal rights agenda, Red thinks that the
needs of the Puckering underclass should take priority.
"Basically Animal Rights concerns are middle-class issues, "
asserts Red. "I mean it's easy to be a kitty cuddler if you are well fed and in
possession of a reasonable income, but what about the workers? We can agitate for the
rights of rodents, but we have pensioners wondering whether they can make their pork chops
last two meals. And don't get me started on the positioning of the public lavatories in
this village. I mean that's not an issue for most dogs is it? But it can be a great
problem for those not too swift on their feet caught out on a visit to the Post
Office."
Miss Smith's views on the matter can be explored further in the lead story.
Best Village Competition Passes Puckering By
Puckering will not be a contender in the annual Best Village Competition
this year after a disappointing defeat by Lindfield last summer.
Colonel Bratherton, a staunch campaigner for the village in previous
years, had to excuse himself from the 2000 preparations due to the time he spent on his
Village Elder campaign. Ultimately, a lack of leadership resulted in Puckering's
withdrawal from the event.
"It's a shame we cannot continue the success of our earlier
years," Bratherton sighed. "This is still a pretty village, but people don't
care like they used to. Now you see rubbish on the streets, people carelessly dropping
crisp packets. The women used to brush the streets in front of their houses, but
you don't see that anymore."
Arthur 'Red' Covers has come under fire for not supporting the event
more strongly. "We're a pretty enough place on the surface," argues
Covers. "It's the dark underbelly of Puckering that concerns me. Let the ladies
save their knees and their brushes for more important challenges."
June Wedding for Classified Couple
Avid readers of the Puckering Gazette will remember the story of Mary
Winters and Nigel Summers who were married on Saturday in Upper Puckering. The couple kept
up a clandestine love affair through the Classifieds section of the Gazette under the Lost
and Found section. Each carried a copy of the paper to the altar. Their reception area was
decorated with watches and wallets.
Tennis Greats Seen at The Grange
Several residents of Upper Puckering have spotted a cosmopolitan crowd
of American, French and Italian athletes, all competitors in the 2000 Wimbledon
competition, relaxing on the back patio of The Grange. No news yet on the identity
of the owner of the house.
If you have stories or information that you would like included in the
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We are actively seeking contributions to the newspaper. |
