Meeting Minutes |
11th meeting of the Steering Committee for Stoney Grove Attendees: Simon Tinsley, Frank Churchill, Evelyn Prosser, Mr. Tinsley Sr., Emma Knytleigh and John White. Simon: Let's get started, shall we? Apologies received from the weasel formally known as Chester Vyse. Afraid to show his face around here is my guess. I reckon Shirley and Martin have a few things to discuss in Lyme Regis. Still, glad you could make it John. They weren't tempted to lock you up and throw away the key? John: One of the old biddies spent ten minutes rabbiting on about drugs in Buckingham Palace. By the time she finished I thought I was going to be accused of that too. Still, I ended up with a fine and a suspended sentence. So I've got to keep my hands clean. Simon: Just what I want in my new gardener! John: Could I have an advance on my wages? I went into debt to pay the fine. Simon: Sure, though cash is a little tight right now. Honestly it would be much cheaper to knock the place down and re-build it than to do this restoration. I've got the carpentry crew and I've got a newspaper that I now find costs a fortune to own. A newspaper, I should add, that has libeled half the village and printed an article that has Ann spitting mad at me. Emma: That's because you never tell her anything. Simon: It seems like everyone else has been happy to fulfill that role. Ann tells me you're advocating for Frank in your spare time. Tell me Frank, do you want to own Stoney Grove? Frank: Oh no, I couldn't live here. All the noise and the voices. No, I don't think I'd like that at all. Emma: I'm just looking after his rights. Frank deserves a share of this. Frank: But I don't want it. I just want to be in my little house. Why are you living in the village, Emma? You can come back here. John: Yes Em, I haven't seen you in ages. Can't we talk? Emma: I need to be on my own right now to sort things out, Frank. John, give it a rest, will you? Frank: Sometimes when I see things you’re not there, and it makes me very sad. Simon: Sorry Frank, but sometimes I rather think you're not there--or actually here--which is a problem given the number of tourists we've had wandering around recently. Tinsley Snr: I put a tin out for donations for the restoration. We didn't get much. Everyone's so tight these days. No appreciation of what it takes to run a place like this. Simon: Let's hope the taxman missed that one. What did you collect? Tinsley Snr: Only a couple of quid after expenses. I had to buy the tin you know, and it's not like I get paid. Simon: I'll alert the Treasury. Anyway I gave a sterling interview on the telly this week. I got up at four in the morning. I was in make-up for 45 minutes. I was prepped with questions and when they finally came to me they had to stop for the weather before moving to a breaking story on Zimbabwe. By the time they got back to me I just managed "we're jolly excited!" before they cut me off. Jolly excited! Who the hell says that! I sounded like a right dork. If I'd wanted a pompous upper-class sounding idiot to rattle off inanities I could have got Chester to do it. Evelyn: Did you have a chance to talk further with the people from Segovia, then? Simon: Yeah, they're sending me a list of proposed changes and we're negotiating a filming schedule. Seems we have to dig up all the red flowers and plant yellow ones, grass over the drive and get a herd of cattle for starters. Anyone know where I can get fifty milk cows? John: Where are we going to put fifty cows? They're not treading on my new turf, I'll tell you that right off. Simon: Nice to see you taking an interest in your work already John. Frank: I've always liked red flowers, especially the burnt red of autumn chrysanthemums. Yellow is pretty too, of course, but it seems unkind to move the others. Perhaps we could have a word with them? Evelyn: And if we grass the drive, how are we going to get in and out? I've got a crew starting in September too, you know, and it would be very inconvenient to tell them they have to come on foot. Simon: People, people! We're never going to get anywhere if you panic over the details! Leave it to me, we'll sort it all out. Let's take a break and meet up again next week, shall we? John: Wait, Em. Can we talk? Emma: Not now, John. I'm late. John: Come on, we've got to talk sometime. Couldn't it be now? I mean I've been waiting for... Emma: Oh, let's hear it, shall we? I've kept you waiting. Let's see...As long as I sat in gaol? Have you been waiting that long, John? It was twenty one hours, alone, in a cell, accused of a crime I didn't commit, with my name plastered all over the newspaper and my employers thinking they'd hired a member of a bloody Colombian cartel... John: Um, well, no actually, not really long at all. I wasn't complaining about the length of it, no, no, I really wasn't. It's just that I don't think this is productive. Emma: Productive? How productive are you when you're so stoned you can't walk across the room? Or can't remember where you've left things? How productive do you think you are now that you're broke because you've been convicted of a drug offence? John: Well, not terribly productive. No, you're right. It's just that, if we could talk about this, I think you might feel a bit better. Emma: Yeah, you're right. I'm feeling better already. Thanks, you've been a great help. John: Emma....
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