In a speech to the Puckering Pensioners last evening, Nigel Morcombe, long-time Upper Puckering resident and candidate for Village Elder, spoke out on the corrupting influences of the modern world.

Whilst condemning televised sport for contributing to the rise of football hooliganism and cinema for loosening sexual mores, he reserved his most vigorous attack for the place of the Internet in village life. With its chat rooms and its glut of pornography, the Net is a breeding ground of  modern ills, claimed Morcombe."It is destroying the social fabric of Puckering."

"When I was a lad if you wanted to pass the time you’d call on a mate and go 'round to the pub for a pint," Morcombe stated. "Not anymore. Young people today invent some silly name and write notes to complete strangers, all the while running up their parents' telephone bill. Their spelling and grammar are appalling. And then there are the ‘lurkers;’ virtual Peeping Toms if you ask me. I’ve never been one to hide behind things. I believe it’s best to just be up-front."

Morcombe, an active nudist for most of his adult life, is troubled by the availability of sexually explicit materials on the World Wide Web. "Nudism is a social phenomenon," he explained. "Not much point in being one on your own. We do it, the Missus and me, for the barbecues, the garden parties, and the chance to see new faces. On the computer, it’s just breasts and bums. Nobody’s talking. Nobody’s having a laugh."